I need to write...

I need to get out all the pain, frustration, aggravation, and every other damn emotion I am unable to shake. I try to write to get some of these emotions out on paper but my thoughts become a jumbled mess. In my head they are clear. It is clear what I need to say or write but when it comes to getting it out whether on paper or out of my mouth it comes out in a jumble. I wish it came easier to me. I think it would make things easier if my mind could connect the two; from what I think to what I write or say. Who knows maybe I am not making any sense as I write this very blog but at this point I don't care. I need to write. I may just decide to delete it anyway. I always feel bad for those who come to read my blog with my very unclear thoughts. But anyway... on to what I actually came here to do. To vent...

Hmmmm....

Where do I begin...

My ex, this is where the pain, frustrations, aggravation, and every other emotion begins and ends anyway isn't it. OK well maybe not ends but this is defiantly where it began. He or maybe me or maybe both is where this mess all started. Why do i focus on all the things that I can not change. Simply focusing on the fact that I may not have been wife of the year but I certainly didn't deserve this. Why focus on that, whether I deserved it or not it has happened and there is nothing that will change it. Move on damn it! I also find myself talking to my ex like he is my best friend. While some people would think this is great, at this point it is not healthy for me to call him sobbing. Granted at this point I don't have anyone but my family to call because friends seem to be scarce. Calling my ex just makes the pain worse the next day. I know this and I still pick up the phone. And sometimes he listens and comforts me and other times he gets defensive and angry. This is not healthy for either of us. But what else do I do when I am sitting in my quiet house at 11 at night crying because I feel lost and lonely? What do you do when your best friend is your ex who betrayed you in the worst possible way?

Speaking of best friends... What the hell happen to my best girlfriend? I have always known she was self absorbed. I have always known that when it came to choosing a guy over her friends the guy would win. And not just choosing but we are talking completely forgetting she has friends to devote her entire life to a guy who she will get tired of in 6 months. Who cares that I am the one who never missed a single doctor appointment when she was pregnant with her daughter or that I allowed her to live with me rent free in a time of need. She left me walking on the side of the road for God's sake. I found out my husband has a love child and instead of picking me up she left me walking on the side of the road because she had a party to go to. Why do I even consider her a friend much less my best friend? Why do I miss her now that we aren't speaking? And to set the record straight, she is not speaking to me because I called her out on the fact that she wasn't being a good friend. Did she really think she was?

On to the most recent frustration in my life... I hate having to start over in the dating scene. It sucks. I keep seeing the commercial for the new movie, "He's Just Not That in to You". I want to make that trailer disappear because every time I see it I question my very new relationship. I question it even more with the lack of communication over this past weekend and the unanswered texts. He has a lot on his plate but couldn't he just let me know that we are ok and that he will be back in touch as soon as everything is settled. I guess he can't really say "we" are ok because we never talk about us. And maybe that is the issue. I was all about talking about feelings before but with everything that has happened I have become uncommunicative I don't talk about how I am feeling and since he doesn't either it all just goes unsaid. Not sure how to solve this one either. Do I tell him how I feel or do I just go with the flow?

There are so many unanswered questions in my life right now. I hate unanswered questions. I like to have a plan. I have no plan. Where do I go from here? I probably ask myself that question a hundred times a day. It is driving me nuts. I think I am actually going crazy! So here it is, my jumbled thoughts. My spelling is horrific, my grammar is terrible, and on top of that I have no idea what I am saying but I need to write! Sorry to those who are actually reading this.

Oh and my solution to all this tonight... Drink to much wine!

Sick Day Tuesday

So the girls and I have not been feeling great. Alexis stayed at home yesterday and then today Anabelle wasn't feeling really well either, so then of course Riley wasn't feeling well. So we all stayed home and have spent our day on the couch watching tv, doing homework, and just relaxing.

They really look like they feel bad.

This one on the other hand I think he is feeling fine.

I am including Alexis' poem that she had to write for class. When I first saw the assignment I thought we will have fun with this and it won't be that hard... Two hours later this is what we came up with. We wanted a theme so we finally decided science since it is Alexis' favorite subject. The poems are called Alphabet Alliteration Poems.
First word has to be an adjective, second a noun, and third a verb, and they all have to start with the same letter for each letter of the alphabet.

Silly Science Sentences
by Alexis Lamar

Active air answers
Bubbly bacteria boils
Curious computers caclulate
Dramatic dinosaurs discover
Evil electricity explodes
Freaky fossils fade
Grumpy galaxies guard
Humorous humans hammer
Icy inventors identify
Jumpy joints join
Kind knowledge kills
Lumpy life lasts
Mindful magnets matter
Noisy nature needs
Outgoing oceans overflow
Painful planets punch
Quiet quark questions
Raging robots race
Shy space scares
Tasteful time teases
Understanding universe unites
Vicious volcanoes vandalize
Wonderful water whirls
X-rated x-ray xeroxes
Youthful year yodels
Zany zones zigzag

And can't forget Anabelle's creativity today. Anabelle loves to take pictures. There are hundreds on her camera and I never know what to do with them. So some of the ones she took today I made it to a simple collage so I could share her hobby.

Can you tell what her favorite thing to take pictures of is. Poor dog has been forced to pose all day long, that or teased with a toy so she would try to climb the walls or do any other trick Anabelle thought would be fun to take a picture of.

TMI Tuesday #2

TMI Tuesday - Movie Edition

1. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
High School Musical 3 Woohoo! LOL
2. What is your favorite movie theater snack?
Hmmmm... probably just a big bad of any chocolate candy.
3. Have you ever snuck in 'outside' food into a theater?
Of course who hasn't, they rip you off at the theater.
4. Have you ever made out in a theater?
I think that I may have kissed someone in the theater but nothing more then that.
5. What is the 'farthest' you have gone in a theater?
Like I said, probably just a kiss.

Bonus: What is one of your favorite movie sex scene?
The sex scene in Thomas Crown Affair. It is quite sexy!

Ten on Tuesday #1

10 Favorite Articles of Clothing You Own

Here is mine and a couple of pictures I have taken in them.

1. Black rue21 sweater. Paid $20.
2. Grey dress pants from rue21. On sale for $12.
3. Black short sleeve shirt from rue21. Paid $15.
Seeing a trend? This is the outfit I wore on my first date with Scott! :)

4. Black ruffly tank top that I got from Silver Buttons.
5. Jean skirt that I got from Silver Buttons.
6. Black Steve Madden boots that I got at Silver Buttons for $30. I LOVE THEM!!!













7. A gray shirt that I got from Silver Buttons. Probably no more the $10.
8. Gray button up sweater that is sooooo soft and cozy! Got it from JCPennys for $12.
9. My black pea coat. It was a gift.
10. Any pair of jeans, I love a good pair of Jeans.

This list makes me want to drive down to Silver Buttons on Saturday! I may have to do that!
Favorites

Monday Movie Meme

Featured Presentation from Monday Movie Meme
Musicals...

Mama Mia - although after my 9 year old playing the songs over and over again on the CD player I am not sure I will ever be able to enjoy the movie again.
Sounds of Music - This movie will hold a place in my heart forever because it was the movie I always watched with my grandmother as a child.
Beauty & The Beast - Yes I know it is animated but I love the song Belle sings in the beginning. Yes I am a dork.
Rocky Horror Picture Show - Funny for this to come after a Disney movie but this was my favorite all through high school. We watched it over and over.
My Fair Lady and Singing in the Rain - two others I watched a lot with my grandma as a child.

And while on this topic I have to comment how interesting I think it is that Musicals are making a comeback with the younger generation. There were a couple when I was a kid but all the movies that my daughters even watch these days are Musicals. All the High School Musicals, Camp Rock, Another Cinderella Story, the Cheetah Girl Movies, and Hair Spray are more popular then anything else right now. And yes I have seen them all, although you will notice I haven't included any of them in my favorites.

Meal Plan for the Week

Mission Accomplished, the first week was a success!!! I followed my plan and made a weeks worth of great dishes!

Monday ~ Leftovers from the week before. Kids have a sitter and Scott and I are going out for Sushi, mmmmmm!
Tuesday ~ Three Cheese Tortellini w/ Pesto and roma tomatoes
Wednesday ~ Beef Stroganoff
Thursday ~ Chicken and Vegetable Stir-fry
Friday ~ Pizza or Stouffer's Meal
Saturday~ Garlic Shrimp and Butter
Sunday ~ Chicken & Cheese Enchiladas

The Simple Woman's Daybook

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY...
Outside my window... is a town that I love. I cannot say enough how much looking out my new bedroom window and having a view of a town that has raised me and loved me since I was a child has helped my heart heal. We have been in the new house a month now and each day I realize what a blessing it is and what it is doing for us all.

I am thinking... how nice it would be if I would start feeling better and my nose would stop running. I have been sick twice in a month and a half and it is really getting old.

I am thankful for... so many people right now because with out them I would have not survived the last 5 months; my children, my family, Scott, my ladies at 3LM, and my extended family at the Purple Onion.

From the kitchen... came 6 fabulous meals this week. Thanks to Organizing Junkie's Meal Plan Monday! My favorite being the Beef Fillet with Bacon and Gorgonzola Sauce. It is the first time in my life that I have ever cooked a fillet and it came out amazing! Scott seemed to like it too.
I am wearing... my favorite gray shirt (which needs to be mended soon) and jeans. Nothing too exciting.
I am creating... a new blog which is coming along nicely and giving me something fun to do. I am also creating an office/craft room which I am very exciting. I can not wait to get back to creating scrapbook pages and actually having the room to spread out.

I am going... to go and eat sushi at Umi tonight with Scoot and then go grab a drink at The Black Rose so we can say hello to Dana. I have been craving Umi since I left the first time we tried it. It is amazing sushi in downtown Hendersonville NC. I am getting avocado rolls, tuna rolls, and the rolls with crab in them (can't remember what they are called).

I am reading... Some Other Place, The Right Place by Donald Harrington. And of course I am reading my daily dose of internet. I started getting in to reading a couple of blogs because that has become my new thing. I am reading 3LM of course. My military wives keep me sane! Love you girls! And then reading what ever else random thing I come across on the internet.

I am hoping... that I will be feeling better tomorrow so that I can work. Also hoping that the kids are feeling better tomorrow so that they can go to school. I really can't afford to take the days off.

I am hearing quiet which is very unusual in my house. Nothing but the sound of me typing and my labored breathing due to this cold. I love nights and early mornings for this reason. While I love my children it is always nice to have just a little but of quiet!

Around the house there is peace because it is clean and has stayed that way for a month. I can not tell you how good that feels! I don't know why it was so hard in the past to keep a clean house but it just never seemed to be neat and tiddy. Now that it is just me and the kids I am able to get it clean and still have the time to spend time with the kids and take some time for myself. The only thing in the house that needs to be done is the laundry and I blame this darn cold.

One of my favorite things is to curl up with my babies and watch a movie on the couch. We have been doing that a lot lately. The girls and I weren't feeling well yesterday so we curled up and watch the Titanic. Boy did I forget how long of a movie that was. But it was good and afterwards we all felt a little better and were able to get some chores done around the house.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Well work and school of course... then tonight is Sushi night and the kids have a sitter, Wednesday is LOST night and Scott is coming over, Thursday is Grey's Anatomy, and the rest of the week is pretty free. Hopefully I will come up with some things to do to keep us busy. It also feels like I am forgetting something but I can't think of what.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

because now that I have written about sushi, it is all I can think about!